Unrequited Friendship

Hubby is at a business networking dinner thing that I'm not allowed to accompany him to. I can't wait until he gets home. He bought a new suit for the occasion and he looks amazing. I got home and just wanted to rip it off of him.

He and I had a really good, open and honest talk last night. I think we're continuing to take steps in the right direction. I talked a lot to my friend Penny from work (who is going through a divorce) about things. It's interesting to get a perspective from someone who's marriage has failed. She and I are getting closer, as Sunny and I seem to be drifting apart.

Sunny's got a new friend in her town who is pregnant, who I imagine is more fun and interesting to her since Hubby and I are enjoying living a frivolous child-free life, and Sunny and her husband are trying to have a baby. I imagine once she gets pregnant and has the baby we will continue to drift further. There are people who can maintain adult relationships and be parents, and there are those who can't. I get the feeling she will be one of those who can't. I may be wrong, but I'm just not sure how to read her anymore.

I don't know how I do it, but somehow I end up making friends with people who only want to be my friend for a little while, which blows considering my husband and my friends are all I have left now with my family no longer living here. If you don't want to hear my bitching, close the window now. I think maybe I'm too good of a friend. I am available and there for my friends when they need me. When they call at midnight, I answer the phone to listen to them cry to me, but never seem to get the same treatment from others. Maybe I'm just a rare and dying breed, maybe people today just don't understand that friendship has to be a 2 way road. Either way, maybe someday I'll meet a friend who will happily be there for me as much as I am for them.

Alone

I'm having a lonesome day. I'm just really down, which may have something to do with the fact that I haven't taken my medication in a week (I keep forgetting to have it refilled). I texted Sunny to see what she was doing today, and she's out shopping with her mom and grandma, which made me want to cry. I'm lonely and need a friend to be around and my one really close friend here is out with her mother. Must be nice. It made me really miss my mom. So I called her to talk and take some of the ache away and she's not home. She's been gone for a month. It sucks. She was always the friend that I could count on when no one else was around. She was always up for lunch or a quick trip out anywhere. I'm down, and its not fun. I just want to smile & laugh.

Reaching Out

I have a co-worker with whom I have cultivated a budding friendship. She is fun and open-minded, and we make each other laugh about the stressful things that come with being a teacher. Right now she's going through a very rough patch in her life. She is in the process of a divorce, and a new relationship she had started has ended. She called me in tears last night, and I listened because I knew there was nothing else I could do for her. She's hit the bottom; she doesn't care what happens to her. This is hard because I know exactly where she is. We may have gone through different situations, but I know the feeling she has right now and I know there is nothing anyone could say or do.

She is taking positive steps towards recovery. She has made an appointment to see a counselor today. She needed to do this not only for herself, but for her two beautiful daughters. I remember my childhood, and the times when mommy was locked in her room crying for hours and my sister and I were left wondering what was wrong with her. Her daughters don't have to go through that, and I'm glad. I just wish there was more that I could do for her. I think she is reluctant to lean on me for support because we are such new friends. In fact, she said pretty much those exact words last night. I reminded her that although we are new friends, I am not new to being a friend.

It's so hard to listen and watch as she goes through this. I just want to make it all better. She's a wonderful person, and she deserves happiness. I know she'll find it, it just may take some time. I hope she allows me to help her in her journey, and I just wish there was more that I could do for her right now.

Trying not to be lazy

I've been extremely productive lately. I guess I finally got tired of being a lazy procrastinator (either that or the guilt finally got to me), either way, I've gotten a lot done the last few days. Yesterday I did an ass-load of laundry, went grocery shopping, did the dishes, cleaned out the fridge, plus graded at ton of vocabulary quizzes and journals. This morning I got to work very early and got my materials ready for the day, taught 140 teenagers, and graded a bunch of papers in my planning and down time. After work I did more grading, cashed my check, relaxed, and graded more papers. If you haven't noticed a theme yet, I've been doing a lot of grading. It's close to report card time, and sadly I'm one of those teachers who keeps a giant stack of work to be graded and then does it all last minute. Yes, that means I will spend a good half-day just passing out papers. Show me a teacher who doesn't do this, and I'll show you someone with no social life whatsoever.

I'm proud of the fact that although I'm a first year teacher, I've managed to maintain a healthy and sane life outside of my job. My dear friend Sunny is not having such an easy time. I keep inviting her out for a drink and some dinner to relax but she's always too busy (and she's only a part time teacher)! I am swearing to the powers that be that I will get Sunny out of the classroom and into the bar THIS WEEK!

In other news, I spent some time playing around with my dad's camera since he hasn't come to get it yet. I was messing around with the zoom lens and concentrating on interesting textures.

The framing of a mirror in my living room.

More fun with the swirly frame