Today Was a Good Day

I may complain and say some crazy things sometimes, but today is not one of those days. Today will be a good day. Today is my spa day. As a graduation gift, Hubby is paying for an entire day at the spa. My limo should be here in about an hour. I'm going to be whisked off to downtown to receive: a facial, aromatherapy body wrap, 1 hour hot stone massage, lunch, manicure and pedicure. After that the limo will take me back home where I'll melt into a puddle on the couch and not move. I am so excited! I may have some complaints about Hubby sometimes, but really he's a great guy, and I know he loves me so much.

In other news, I got a summer job. My supervisor from the job I had last year called me up and said they have a special project that they need a temp. to work on. She asked me if I was up for it, and I'm just hanging out, so I said yes. I start tomorrow, and I'm pretty excited. It'll be great to feel like I'm being productive, and I won't complain about having some extra cash. I'm not sure how long it will last, but it is full time hours. The people there are awesome though, I really like everyone I'll be working with, and they're allowing me all the time I need off for doctor's appointments and my trip to Best Friend's wedding.

So that's life for me recently. Things are a little hectic, but good. I'm off to jump in the shower so I can enjoy a day at the spa!!!!

Trying

I'm making surface progress. I'm feeling better about the way I look, but it's just superficial. I'm still insecure, and the things I'm doing to feel better about myself are motivated by my need to be just a good looking as other women. I'm still jealous and I'm still having trouble trusting Hubby. I'm trying, but its hard. I get so frustrated, because I just want to be better already. I get worried that these issues will never go away. I just want to feel the way I used to. I'm working on it.

The Libido-less Wonder

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession to make: I am a 23 year old woman with a practically absent libido. I don't know how it happened. I used to be very excited about sex, especially after I met Hubby (the first man to make me orgasm during sex). Now, it takes a whole hell of a lot to get me in the mood. If I believe what the woman around me say, most women my age are still raring to go round after round in the sack, but not me.

I'm trying to change that though. I read somewhere that the more you have sex, the more you crave it; some kind of chemical thing. I know it sounds odd, but I've been making myself have sex with Hubby. It seems to be going pretty well. We were cooking dinner Sunday night, and I kissed him, and suddenly remembered what a knock-out kisser he is. When we went to bed we made love and I remembered what a knock-out lover he can be. It was great, we're talking mind-blowing. I actually tired him out, which doesn't happen very often. So, last night it happened; I craved making love to him, so we did! Once again it was amazing. If things are going to keep up this way our sex life may end up back on track.

I going to commit myself to trying at least every other day. I'm just hoping I don't have to initiate it every time because that can get tiring. I'm hoping that all this hot sex will help me feel sexier and more attractive as well. So that is my confession and my plan to fix it.

Insomnia

I wish this stupid medicine would decide what it wants to do to me. When I was on 10 mg it made me hyper. When I switched to 5 mg it made me sleepy, but suddenly last night I couldn't sleep again. I woke up at 5 this morning and haven't been able to go back to sleep. I went to bed at 11. This is not normal. I want to be nuggled in my bed damnit! I think as soon as Hubby gets up I'll try to sleep again. I don't want to wake him with my tossing and turning.

Yeah, I'm a "Hater." So What?

I need to rant about something petty that I can't stand. I despise all the stupid women on myspace who feel the need to post 5o bazillion pictures of themselves in skimpy outfits partying. We get it, you like to get dressed up and get drunk. These are the same ladies who have 200 friends on their list, somehow I'm doubting even 100 of those people really give a shit about them and vice versa. The worst is when these girls are cute or mediocre but insist on claiming every few pictures that they are sexy, beautiful, hot, smokin, a party girl, wild, etc., etc. Really, there's nothing uglier than a cute girl who knows it and has to scream it to the world. Most of these young ladies also have children, and I often wonder when they have time to parent their kids when they spend what looks like every single night out drinking and acting an ass. Honestly, there's a time in life for all that, but you're 28, grow the fuck up.

To top it off, one of these bitches happens to be someone who once warned me to keep an eye on my husband because she was planning to take him. I just want to fuck her world up. Lucky for me, Hubby is the one who first said the whole "there's nothing uglier than a cute girl who knows it and has to scream it to the world" comment.

I know it's petty and silly and I really shouldn't judge others, but it's just so damned annoying. It makes me wonder if their lives are really hollow, and this is how they fill the void. Maybe I'm a little jealous, my life could use a little more fun sometimes. I definitely know I'm being bitchy, but you know what? I'm entitled to be a bitch and rant about stupid petty things if I want. Okay, rant over.

Are We Really All OK?

I sometimes wonder if everyone's life is more glamorous and happy than mine, but then I remember that I only see their lives from the outside, and maybe they're thinking the same thing about mine. That's highly doubtful, but you never know. Maybe I should just learn to be OK with my life. I guess that's what I'm in therapy to do, to learn to accept and maybe someday love myself.

In other thoughts, have you ever had a feeling about someone when you first met them and then they really turn out to be just like you expected them to? I hate how right I am sometimes.

My Life So Far

So I did it; I graduated college, and it feels pretty good. Now the job search is on, which I'm kind of procrastinating on and that's a bad thing. I'm just kind of tired and want to relax for a bit. Since last Wednesday I've been running here and there, going to one doctor appointment or another, having lunch with this person or that. Today is my first day where I have to leave the house only if I want to. I'm going to have a pretty hectic schedule starting up again on Saturday.

The busyness has been a pretty good thing though. I got a good deal of money as graduation presents. I spent some of it wisely on clothes for the summer that I feel comfortable in, yet don't make me look 30. I got 4 pairs of jeans and 5 shirts. I think I'm pretty well stocked up now. I thought about spending it on work clothes, and even felt a little guilty, but then I realized that I have had enough work clothes to wear every day for the last 4 months. I can wear those next year until I get my first paycheck. I don't have a whole lot of nice "play" clothes. I deserve this damnit!

Also in my recent escapades have been trips to doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists to be exact. I've been put on an antidepressant and I'm going to both doctors once a week for now. Just saying that makes me feel a little crazy, but I know it's a good thing. I'm trying to regain control of my life and my self-esteem. I want to like me, and I don't want to be sad anymore. So I warn you, this blog may turn into a therapy journal, which might bore you to tears.

And a little message to a dear friend who I know reads this periodically: Hopefully I'll be back to a better version of the me you knew when you lived here, not the weirdly quiet girl who came to visit you in March.

So that's my life recently. I'm busy, but I guess it's good, and maybe tomorrow I'll do some job stuff.

Graduation Day!!!!

It's 4 AM and I can't sleep. I'm too excited to sleep. Tomorrow is graduation day, which to me, is a lot like Christmas morning for a 6 year old. Instead of waiting a whole year for it to come though, I've been waiting for 4 1/2. I'm nervous too; worried that we'll get there late, worried that there won't be any parking, worried that we'll get home too late to let the caterers in. My cousin in CA shipped me an Orchid lei from Hawaii. It's a tradition back home to wear those on graduation day. I'm not sure if people wear them here, and I'm worried they won't let me wear mine. I have a professor who just moved here from HI though, so I bet she'd take my side.

Eeek! In 4 1/2 hours I'll be getting my hair done, in 3 I'm supposed to be waking up. I still have to get maragrita mix and a camera battery tomorrow morning. I feel like I'm going to be rushed. I need to stop worrying and just enjoy the day. I wasn't even this stressed on my wedding day, but I had nothing to be worried about that day anyway. Today is a really big day. I'm going to try to relax.

This is the End...

I'M GRADUATING SATURDAY!!!

It's really and finally over. I went to campus for the last time to do anything academic related. I turned in all of my assignments and had my exit interviews. I am officially finished with my Bachelor's Degree. It feels insanely surreal. I spent 4 1/2 years of my life working until my brain was mush. I spent all of my summers in a classroom for this. It doesn't seem like it should be over, but it is.

I know people say that pride is a sin, well poo on that because I'm not a Christian anyway. I'm really proud of myself. I worked hard for this, really hard. I didn't have to get a 3.72 GPA, I could have just done enough to pass, but I wanted to prove to myself that I could achieve something great. I could have had an even better GPA if I had been more serious in the beginning, but 3.72 isn't bad. When I think about it, I'm proud of the grades I earned, but I'm even more proud of the fact that those grades really reflect how much I learned. I crammed so much information into my head because I knew I would be responsible for teaching it to others. If you think about it, that's a pretty awesome responsibility. I can't wait to be a teacher, and I feel prepared because of all of my hard work.

I'm really proud of everyone who helped me get here too. I'm so thankful for my husband, my parents, my sister, and my friends who never stopped encouraging me to do my best. I know I could have done this alone, but it feels awesome to know you have a whole group of people behind you pushing you on to success.

It's Over!

I just finished up the last assignment I'll ever have to do for my Bachelor's degree. I can't believe it's really here. My exit interviews are tomorrow afternoon and then I'm finished with college. I'm in awe and really excited!

I'm a Teacher!

Friday was my last day at my student teaching site. I can't believe it's really over. It was a very bittersweet day. I've grown to really love the kids I teach. Thing haven't always gone great, but they're all amazing in their own way. My 5th period kids threw me a surprise party, and I cried. There was food and music and balloons, and a cake. They all signed a card for me, which was so sweet. One student gave me a little stuffed frog, another wrote me an amazing letter saying how much I touched her life. My clinical instructor gave me a really sweet card and a gift certificate to WalMart. Another teacher at the school gave me a gift basket full of teaching supplies.

I felt like the most special person that day. Even one of the kids that I had a lot of trouble with and had to kick out of class asked for a hug and told me in earnest that he was going to miss me. It's a really amazing thing to find out that you've really impacted the lives of 80 or so people in the course of 4 months. This is exactly why I wanted to be a teacher. I can't wait to have my own classroom in a few months.

Yikes!

Wow! I love my best friend, but wow! She recently got engaged and told me the wedding would be in April of 2007. I'm super happy and excited for her. I agreed to be a bridesmaid and was looking forward to being in her spring wedding next year. Well, she called me today to tell me they're getting married next month, the date isn't set in stone, but it's towards the end. She still wants me to be a bridesmaid. Holy crap! I've got to somehow buy plane tickets to L.A., a rental car, in the next few days, and a dress and a wedding gift in the next few weeks. I love her, and I'll be there, but yikes! They couldn't make it July just to give people a little bit of time? Now Hubby can't go with me because there's no way he can try to get time off with zero notice. I'm hoping my sister will be in town that week so at least I won't have to pay for a hotel too.

I know it's her wedding and I should just be happy for her, but seriously, 1 month notice is a bit short, especially when you live across the country.

Good Things

Since I seem to be posting a lot of bad things on here lately I thought I'd even it out. I found out this morning that my sister is coming in for my graduation next Wednesday. I am so super stoked. Sissy is my best friend and I adore her. I think I'm going to see if she'll go shopping for a new pair of glasses with me. I've had these same frames since 9th grade, it's time for a change.

I'm so happy that she's coming to visit though, I just wish I had more time to clean up the house in preparation. I guess if I spent more time working on homework, and less time goofing off when I come home from work I could spend this weekend getting ready. But really, who wants to work all day then come home and work some more, then go to bed. I need some time to hang out with Hubby. Wow! I just realized that I'm typing this whole thing without looking at the keyboard. That my friends, is really awesome! (Not to mention very random.)

I am...

I am American suburbia.