I Hear Ticking

My heart has been aching recently with a knowledge I don't think I was ready for. I guess it is not a bad thing, just something that has come at a very odd time in my life. I have realized that I want children. The way I love Penny's children amazes me. My heart swells and my world lights up when I see those two beautiful faces smiling. Several of my friends are having children and deep iniside of me something cries out with the desire for that. Funny though, that this would happen after I get divorced and see no man to have these babies with in my future. I guess in a way it makes sense. My heart and my mother-instincts knew not to desire children with Ex Hubby; knew it would be disaster, heartbreak, sadness that would last all of our lives if we had made that permanent bond between us.

I know I don't need or want a child right now, but someday after I've gotten all of the "living for me" out of the way I'd like to live for a tiny, beautiful little person. I'm hoping when the day comes that I am ready for that, there will be someone there who is willing to make it happen. For now I'll just enjoy Penny's girls & the knowledge that both my sister & best friend will be having babies soon.