rant...grumble...rant

The teaching is going really well so far. Yesterday I received an informal job offer from the principal of my school site. That was the super great and exciting news yesterday. Tomorrow I find out whether or not I passed my certification test, so send good vibes my way. At 7 AM I'll know. Those are the two really good things in my life.

I was thinking recently about how my life seems to be neatly compartmentalized, and wondering if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Professionally and academically I am on top of the world. I am excelling and successful and fulfilled. It is really great. Every day I walk into that school knowing that although it is tiring work, it makes me so happy. I'm really excited to see what the rest of this final semester holds for me because I feel like it can only be good things.

In contrast to my awesome successes in my professional/academic life, my personal life is a freakin train wreck. I'm a bit wigged out and pretty unhappy. My happiness with my professional life seems to underscore the disaster that has become my personal life, and it makes it all the more disappointing. I keep wondering how I can keep these two parts separate, and if they will stay that way or if one day in the classroom I'll just have a breakdown.

Of course, Hubby has no clue what is going on, and I know that is a huge sign that we have a big problem with communication, which is the key to a successful marriage. Yeah, you can stop making wagers on when I'll end up divorced. I'm not going to. This, like any other issue in a marriage is something we can work on and through to get to a better place. I just need to figure out how to properly communicate my feelings before I let this flood go. If I can speak with hubby clearly and calmly without placing blame or making him feel like a bad person, I will talk to him about my big fat issue and why I can't stand to be touched by him right now.

I feel bad though, because he has no idea what is brewing inside of me and I feel like it isn't fair to him to slowly stew on this for weeks and weeks and then just unleash it on him one day when he isn't suspecting it. But like I said, I'm hoping to be able to talk to him in a civilized manner and not really "unleash" it. I don't know when that is going to happen though. I have a meeting with a counselor Monday, but I feel a little weird just talking about this problem. Especially since this counselor is a PhD. student at my school. Hopefully when I meet her things will feel better than I'm imagining them and everything will be ok.

This blog is surely boring for anyone but me, but I need a place to just get out my thoughts and feelings on this subject and get my thoughts in order before I decide on a course of action. I'm hoping that course of action comes soon though because I find myself becoming a more bitter and bitchy woman every day. I don't like that lady one bit, and I'm sure Hubby doesn't either.

P.S. I find it odd that the spell-checker on a blog doesn't recognize the word "blog."