Sun is Shining

I hate rhyming crap, but this could make a nice chorus to a cheesy song. I'm happy.

I thank god for prayers that went unanswered,
and the shattering of my "happily ever after."
The life I live now is beautiful and free,
you'll never again be able to control me.
I run wild and I run fast
and keep hoping all of this will last.
I'm gonna travel the world and dance in the sun
and enjoy this life cause we only get one.

Time & Space Seperate (shannon)

It's funny how I look at her and wonder if you ever realized how much alike we are. I wonder if you looked at my face and saw her. I wonder if your slight disdain for me came from the fact that I am her, slightly watered down, but only watered down because you managed to break me. You could not break her. Funny how you did the same thing to us. You "let [us] go" because you knew it was best for us. You were right. I see her and I can only imagine the wonderful things I will be, if she is what women discarded by you turn out to be.

Candy Heart

You ask me,
“Will you turn
bitter?” I answer,
“No” but I am
lying to you. I can feel
the disappointment pour
over my tiny
little heart. I can feel
it crust over and harden
like a candy
coating. Nowhere near
sweet.

My Wave of Fury

My new emotion seems to be anger. I am so angry. So fucking angry! I just want to pour it out all over Ex Hubby's head. I want to wash him in my angry words. I want to baptize him with my anger. I have so many questions that I feel I deserve the answers to. I want to know why he watched me dangle helplessly in the wind while he "made up his mind." In the end he didn't make up his mind. He was a coward and made me make his mind up for him. I want to know why he's such a sniveling coward.

He wonders why I act so strange when I am around him and I just want to tell him, "Because I'm angry as hell. It takes most of my physical and emotional strength not to hit you, and scream at you, and unleash the fury that swells up inside of me when I see you and your smug fucking face! "

I don't want to be so angry, but I am. I guess it is just all part of the process. I just have so many questions. I have so many things that I want to say to him. I feel that I deserve a truth I will never receive, and that knowledge eats at me. I am so tired of people not knowing what they want, and dragging people into their mess of a life.

Sratching at My Surface

I am staying with my sister and her husband and I hate them. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but they drive me crazy. They remind me of all the things my marriage was not. They remind me of all the things I wish for. They remind me of the comfort of just having someone there.

I keep watching them in their adorable little daily routine and it makes me think about Ex Hubby. I don't want to think about him, and I don't think that I really miss him. I just miss the comfort of him. I miss having someone to sit on the couch with, even if he was sitting on the opposite side of the room. Being around them makes me miss Ex Hubby in a way, but then I think about the fact that we never had any of the things that I see in my sister and her husband, and then the sadness over my divorce dies. Then I am just left with the sadness over the fact that I was married and never felt that, and the sadness that is provoked by the big question. The question of, will I ever find that? Will I ever have a happy and meaningful relationship?

In my nearly 25 years I have yet to have a successful relationship, and that makes me worried about my future.

Stop Motion

Life is a stop-motion
movie. I am making start-stop
progress. Moving forward one
centimeter at a time.

When you rewind
and watch it all play
back. It will speed
up and blossom full.

No more stop-
go, stop-go, but
fast-fast-fast! The illusion
of quick & painless.