Obligatory Look Back

In school they teach us that reflection is the key to becoming better at what you do. If that is the case I guess reflecting on each year should make me better at living. Well, here goes nothing.

2005 was good, very good. The highlight, of course was Hubby and I getting married. We'd been waiting for a few years so when the day came we were both ecstatic. We celebrated the one-year anniversary of owning our home. Hubby got an amazing new job, and senior year started for me. The second scholarship for school came this year, which meant I got to quit working in August so I could concentrate on school. My sister got married in 2005 too. That was a big highlight. She's my best friend (excluding Hubby, of course) and nothing beats seeing her so happy.

There were a lot of ups and downs this year. Life with Hubby hasn't always been a bowl of cherries, but the way we've worked on things and become even stronger is amazing. My relationship with my parents changed in ways I never expected. Suddenly they're these really cool adults who also happen to have raised me. We found out my dad has a very small benign tumor on his brain, which he and my mother tried to hide from my sister and I. Luckily it's nothing to worry about, but it sure as hell was scary to hear. I think my reaction to them hiding it was the catalyst for the change.

I've been challenged more academically this year than ever before. That challenge has given me one point of self-confidence; I know without a doubt that I'm smart. I've come to realize that I can do anything if I really put my mind to it. I really believe that I can learn anything if I try hard enough. I feel like I'm bragging but I've never said this to anyone because I've been too embarrassed. People sometimes say, "Wow Jane, you're really smart." Instead of blowing them off now I say thanks, because I can accept that compliment. I'm smart and I'm proud of it. I'm a bright and capable woman and damn, it feels gooood!

On the flip side, I've also been made to face my insecurity and self-doubt in 2005. I haven't changed much in that department yet but I'm really hoping to this year. I may be confident in my brains, I’m not so confident in my personality or my looks. I don’t know what exactly I’ll do to change it, but I know I need to.

People say you can’t really love another until you love yourself. I stand as a testament to the fact that, that statement is a lie. There are a whole lot of people in this world that I love, but I’m not so sure that I love myself yet. Maybe someday, but until then I’ll concentrate on loving Hubby and Sissy and Mom and Dad and everyone else.

To use one sentence to sum up the year: Suddenly I'm very much an adult. It is a bit odd to suddenly find myself an adult, but I’m enjoying it.

Happy 2006 everyone!