Where am I headed??

So, I was reading another blog by someone in the education field who also will not be returning next year, and it got me to thinking, so I want to write.

I am feeling majorly guilty about leaving the teaching profession. It seems that society as a whole hails educators as these amazing people who sacrafice and put up with so much for so little. (Who needs better pay when, daily, people tell you how important your job is?) So, it makes me feel like a total asshole to say, "I can't take it. It's not worth the intrinsic rewards." For me, it would be worth the intrinsic rewards if there were more, I guess.

I keep feeling that maybe the lack of student achievement is my fault. Maybe I'm not dedicated enough. Maybe my frustration is showing in the classroom, but then I had my post-evaluation meeting. My principal cried and said he wishes there were some way I could stay. He told me he hoped I wouldn't leave the education field because I have a gift. Geeeez no guilt trip there. A lot of people have been telling me maybe I should just consider a new school, but with where I live I'm going to be facing the same kinds of kids, no matter where I go. And it all really boils down to the fact that I can't pay my bills, on top of being unhappy.

I will concede, though, teaching "Romeo and Juliet" right now has been one of the highlights of my year. I love watching the kids get into it and start yelling at the characters as if they were watching a movie. I apparently have a knack for story-telling (I orally translate each passage after reading)

But I digress, I am just kind of wandering right now with no clue what to do. I still have had no luck in the job hunt and the year is almost over. Luckily we are on a 12 month pay schedule so I have until the end of August to start freaking out about how I am going to pay bills.

P.S. Not so sure about grad school anymore. I realized it was more a decision to make my Ph.D. holiding mother happy. More on that later.

Using my Binoculars

My job search continues, and continues not to be fruitful. I keep hoping that I'll get called for an interview soon. I know I'm a bit overqualified for a job as an administrative assistant, but I need something to pay the bills while I study for the GRE and get all my ducks in a row for grad school. I want something easy where I can make a decent salary, but still leave work in the office when I go home. Is that too much to ask?

I keep reminding myself that something will happen when it is meant to happen. I am doing my part by actively looking and applying for jobs, so in time the universe will take care of me and provide me with the job that is right for me. I used to think having connections was all I needed to get a job, now I'm not so sure.

In other news, spring break is almost over. I didn't get to do everything I wanted but it has still been good. I have a lot of grading left and I know I'm not going to get to finish the book I started, but that's life. Things with J are wonderful as always. In fact, we've got a lunch date in a half hour which I'm about to get in my car and head to.